Women need to stop critiquing men and actually take self responsibility for their own pleasure.
I think the biggest thing I witness in women that I speak to is that they aren’t taking self responsibility in getting what they want especially in regards to their pleasure. And I don’t blame them – I actually think it’s a systemic issue that everyone isn’t given the proper resources and tools to know their bodies or their pleasure in a way that feels empowering. As a result, a lot of women will remain silent or shut down when they are desiring something different sexually.
The narrative that I hear circulating around is that “it should be effortless, and if it’s right for you then it should just ‘flow’ & be second nature” – but in all honesty, this is a MYTH.
Sure there’s some validity in the fact that chemistry is chemistry and when we meet someone that matches our chemistry then it will flow with more ease. But that DOESN’T mean that the people that we have chemistry with are the RIGHT people for us.
The truth is, pleasure actually sometimes requires effort; it requires your intentionality, devotion, thoughtfulness, & sometimes even with a splash of work because not every body is the same or has the same needs.
So what ends up happening is that women lay back and accept the advances, touches, and pleasure that they are given, because they don’t want to come across as “dominant”, or
going against the narrative and status quo out of fear of being ridiculed or being that “too much” woman for it not feeling “in flow” if they want something different or aren’t liking what is being given to them.
As a result, guess what happens?
Yep, women start complaining about the things that men are not great at (technique or otherwise) & not receiving the pleasure they want or need because they don’t take initiative to speak for themselves.
But this is a HUGE mistake! Women need to be doing the exact opposite…they NEED to be using their voices more and speaking up for themselves and their bodies & pleasure because guess what? A well fucked and satisfied woman makes the world a better place!
And that’s the REAL TRUTH.
It’s not about critiquing men – that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. The point I’m trying to make is that women need to be discovering in their own time and way what their body likes & needs in order to feel the best pleasure, and then lovingly inviting (guiding) men to experience it with them. It’s about women taking responsibility for how they can get their own needs met so that they don’t place so much EXPECTATION & PRESSURE on men or their dating partners to fulfill their needs for them to begin with.
And that’s the beauty of it, when all parties are taking full responsibility for themselves, the dynamic between you and your lover comes from an overflow of internal abundance of pleasure – not coming at the dynamic from a place of feeling “lack”.
As a somatic sex educator, I highly believe that there is always room in any sexual dynamic for everyone to express and communicate honestly what they are needing without inflicting any preconceived narratives about how that person should be in the bedroom – it’s not just about women taking responsibility.
It’s also your responsibility (gentlemen) to promote spaces where women can feel comfortable expressing and communicating their needs without this idea that it will ruin the moment for you.
So let’s all take this opportunity to let go of the narratives that stifle the confidence to communicate so that we all have more enjoyable and comfortable sexual experiences. Agreed? Great. Make sure to tell me how things turn out.
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